WEBVTT 00:00.456 --> 00:03.039 (serene music) 00:04.083 --> 00:05.600 - My name is Ryan Kaono. 00:05.600 --> 00:08.810 I am a support agreement manager within the Installation 00:08.810 --> 00:11.123 Support Directorate at AFIMSC. 00:13.840 --> 00:16.513 Living with it is a daily struggle. 00:18.910 --> 00:21.190 We're always cognizant of it. 00:21.190 --> 00:22.990 Those who are around us may see us 00:22.990 --> 00:25.340 and see absolutely nothing's wrong. 00:25.340 --> 00:29.253 We don't typically have external signs of our disability. 00:30.110 --> 00:35.110 But emotionally, or mentally, we still have to deal with it. 00:36.460 --> 00:40.780 There were times where I would shut myself away 00:40.780 --> 00:44.941 because I didn't want to be a burden on anyone else. 00:44.941 --> 00:49.160 Quickly get frustrated, and I would have bouts of 00:49.160 --> 00:51.840 just frustration and real anger. 00:51.840 --> 00:56.103 It wasn't until 2010 when I attempted suicide. 00:57.890 --> 00:59.320 I hadn't been sleeping. 00:59.320 --> 01:02.300 I'd been up for about 4 1/2 days. 01:02.300 --> 01:04.010 I suffered night terrors. 01:04.010 --> 01:06.420 Every time I would try to sleep I would just get 01:06.420 --> 01:11.090 flashbacks, and they were terrible. 01:11.090 --> 01:12.130 I would wake up screaming. 01:12.130 --> 01:13.423 My wife would be scared. 01:14.720 --> 01:16.440 In desperation, I pretty much decided 01:16.440 --> 01:18.500 I was going to end it. 01:18.500 --> 01:20.150 I didn't want to wake up anymore. 01:21.700 --> 01:25.900 I had previously attempted, but this time I actually 01:25.900 --> 01:27.480 sought treatment. 01:27.480 --> 01:30.090 So I went to the VA in Los Angeles, 01:30.090 --> 01:33.450 after I had been hospitalized for the suicide attempt, 01:33.450 --> 01:35.350 and they actually gave me a formal diagnosis 01:35.350 --> 01:40.350 for PTSD with TBI, major depression, suicidal ideation. 01:42.618 --> 01:44.785 (inhales) 01:48.075 --> 01:50.500 So I've actually had a really long relationship 01:50.500 --> 01:51.333 with the military. 01:51.333 --> 01:55.070 My family is a very military family. 01:55.070 --> 01:58.240 Pretty much from the age of six, that I was going to 01:58.240 --> 02:00.500 do one of three things: I was either going to be 02:00.500 --> 02:04.310 a radio DJ like Rick Dees from KISS FM, 02:04.310 --> 02:07.863 grew up in Los Angeles, or I wanted to be a fighter pilot, 02:08.980 --> 02:11.423 or I wanted to be a police officer and work K-9. 02:12.930 --> 02:14.937 And so I went to my recruiter and I said, 02:14.937 --> 02:17.880 "I want to be security forces, and I want to work a dog." 02:17.880 --> 02:20.647 And he said, "Yeah, we're going to make you a security troop 02:20.647 --> 02:23.080 "and you'll be able to work a dog." 02:23.080 --> 02:25.840 Security side of the house stopped working dogs in 1985. 02:25.840 --> 02:26.973 This was 1994. 02:29.400 --> 02:31.620 And so I actually had to wait a few years 02:31.620 --> 02:33.640 for the career fields to combine again 02:33.640 --> 02:35.440 so that I could actually work a dog. 02:39.230 --> 02:44.230 I was deployed to Saudi Arabia, Khobar Towers. 02:44.560 --> 02:45.860 I was actually on the silver gate, 02:45.860 --> 02:50.643 which was across the compound during the actual detonation. 02:50.643 --> 02:53.860 (dramatic music) 02:53.860 --> 02:57.830 Had a feeling that if I had been on that gate 02:57.830 --> 03:01.080 versus the gate that I was on, maybe I would have been 03:01.080 --> 03:03.220 able to identify something in advance, 03:03.220 --> 03:05.070 and we wouldn't have lost 19 members. 03:06.640 --> 03:11.380 In Iraq in 2005, we were having a redeployment meeting 03:11.380 --> 03:12.490 in my office. 03:12.490 --> 03:15.123 All the sudden we heard an explosion. 03:16.700 --> 03:19.300 Couple seconds later there was another one. 03:19.300 --> 03:22.360 And a round actually came through the aluminum trailer 03:22.360 --> 03:26.700 roof as I was stepping out the door and it detonated. 03:26.700 --> 03:29.513 It threw me about 15 to 20 feet through the air. 03:30.750 --> 03:33.680 And I had slammed into a concrete jersey barrier, 03:33.680 --> 03:34.923 and all I felt was pain. 03:38.171 --> 03:40.610 Being a person that lives with it 03:40.610 --> 03:43.520 I have to live with it. 03:43.520 --> 03:47.220 I have to face it in order to be able to be productive. 03:47.220 --> 03:51.640 I have to acknowledge it in order to be able to go to work. 03:51.640 --> 03:54.150 If I start becoming angry or frustrated, 03:54.150 --> 03:57.973 or I have anxiety really bad, 03:59.000 --> 04:03.400 then he'll actually climb up into my lap, 04:03.400 --> 04:04.683 as he's doing now. 04:05.780 --> 04:08.340 And he will put his face to my face 04:08.340 --> 04:13.080 and he'll give me kisses, or if I'm just staring off 04:13.080 --> 04:18.080 into nothing then he'll actually put his paw in my face 04:18.970 --> 04:21.783 and there he nibbled my ear a little bit, 04:22.770 --> 04:25.773 because it is a little nerve-wracking. 04:26.940 --> 04:28.840 And then he will actually stay here, and he'll make me 04:28.840 --> 04:32.900 have to pet on him, or love on him, or get him 04:32.900 --> 04:36.990 to feel like I'm feeling comfortable again. 04:36.990 --> 04:40.290 So once I feel comfortable, then he'll get down. 04:40.290 --> 04:42.020 And then he'll just go and lay down under my desk 04:42.020 --> 04:43.120 like he normally does. 04:45.320 --> 04:49.950 And it's what's called deep pressure therapy, 04:49.950 --> 04:53.916 or a grounding technique, and it works wonders. 04:53.916 --> 04:55.340 (dog breathing into microphone) 04:55.340 --> 05:00.340 Just having him take my mind off of what it is 05:00.730 --> 05:04.170 that's causing me to have the frustration or anxiety, 05:04.170 --> 05:06.490 makes it go away that much faster. 05:06.490 --> 05:08.790 Before him, I would have to sit there through it 05:08.790 --> 05:10.603 until it essentially went away. 05:11.510 --> 05:15.820 And now it's like okay, within two minutes 05:15.820 --> 05:18.653 I'm back to normal, I'm back to being productive again. 05:21.320 --> 05:23.900 And that leads back to what people can do for us 05:23.900 --> 05:28.480 that suffer from PTSD, is don't make fun of us. 05:28.480 --> 05:32.660 We're not asking people to walk on eggshells around us. 05:32.660 --> 05:34.780 But be cognizant of the fact that there are times 05:34.780 --> 05:36.410 where we will have an issue. 05:36.410 --> 05:38.650 We will have some frustration. 05:38.650 --> 05:43.650 We will not be 100% fine. 05:43.940 --> 05:46.580 Find out what post traumatic stress is. 05:46.580 --> 05:47.750 See what it does. 05:47.750 --> 05:50.760 Look at some of the studies that show why 05:50.760 --> 05:55.420 there are 22 persons per day that are committing suicide 05:55.420 --> 05:58.500 because they can't handle the stress anymore. 05:58.500 --> 06:00.970 Don't judge us based on our disability. 06:00.970 --> 06:04.190 We are still people, we still hold jobs, 06:04.190 --> 06:09.010 we still have families, we still have responsibilities, 06:09.010 --> 06:11.980 and if you don't give us the opportunity 06:11.980 --> 06:15.873 to meet those responsibilities you're not helping us.